I am having the hardest time coping with this fucking heat! Today in my city it was 102 degrees! And all I’ve been having are anxiety attacks. I know all this anxiety is going to trigger some sort of insomnia or light sleeping episodes. And we all know how much I love to sleep for one hour, be awake for four, sleep thirty minutes, be awake for six hours more!
It’s like I can feel it welling up in my body. The tenseness, the internal feeling that my legs want to run a marathon. The thoughts of doom or ill will that might come of my family. Those lovely thoughts that cause me to call up family members to make sure they are alive. (Yes, I actually call up my parents and my sister to make sure they haven’t died in some mind made up manner.) Last night, I was so hot and tired. And yet, I couldn’t sleep. Every time tried to “lay my head down” like normal people do, I would just lay there staring up at the ceiling, or trying to following the blades of the ceiling fan. It got so bad that after I took a shot of Tequila, my eyes became so heavy, that I just fell asleep. I then woke up at 2 a.m. and to my surprise my left foot was swollen. And that got my mind buzzing again. What could have fucking caused this shit? Did a fucking demon bug bite the shit out of me while I knocked out? What type of medical disease did I have now?
So I sat there…. Mind racing, foot swollen, and watched TV. I had a cigarette and another drink. And soon after that I sat there with my boyfriend. We chatted but for some reason we were drawn by the commercial that was on TV. It was another fucking Sean T exercise commercial. This time for some fucking Hip Hop Dance weight loss shit. We were overall disgusted by this commercial. Actually “diet” or
“weight loss” commercials that have before and after photos REALLY irritate me. The before photo is always of the person looking so fucking depressed. This person is ultimately miserable. Which I find especially hard to believe if they were as active as they claimed or had children or a mate. The before photo is often of the person extremely pale with no make up. The after photo is the polar opposite. It usually depicts the person with tons more make up, new clothes that look more expensive then the ones they used to wear in their “old life”, and of course, I can’t forget to add that they are also really tan. All this, of course, is to make the Buyer think that with the exercise video you will have great skin, a tan, a happier life, and rosier cheeks. Also the video was a bit contradictory. It is supposed to be a Hip Hop Dance video, yet the music and the dance moves were nothing of the sort. If anything, the music was that of techno or almost house music. And the whole time during the commercial, we kept thinking that somewhere out there in the Club scene, there is a person who is trying out these moves because they think these are actual dance moves that people really do. WARNING: PURCHASING THIS VIDEO WILL NOT GIVE YOU RHYTHM IN ANY SHAPE OR FORM. AND NO ONE IN THE CLUB IS DOING THESE DANCE MOVES. Last, but not least, I can’t forget the under-lying racism that was taking place. The announcer would say what a great deal this was and how fantastic you will feel.And then when he announced that it was 75% off, a clearly African-American voice shouts, “Say what!” It was then followed by various sprinkling of other “slang” phrases like, “That’s dope!” I was appalled. And yet I could not take my eyes away from it. We laughed and discussed it some more.
I do have to thank Sean T for one thing. It took my mind of my swollen foot, and it actually went down some. I was no long concentrating on “dying” family members. I had focused all my attention on this commercial. So, I guess my before photo would be of me with a swollen foot, rubbing my aching and restless legs, and smoking. My after photo would be me tan ( or a bit more bronze since I am black) with lip stick on, and laughing at the TV.
Love Always.
