NO REGRETS

It’s funny to see all these posts on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter from all these various people and sources about what they regret… Me on the other hand, I have no regrets. My life has been one big cluster fuck of awesomeness and tragedy. One big mixture of  “ the movies made it look so easy” moments with a “damn that was AMAZING” soundtrack.   People ask me why I have no regrets.  My answer is simple, at the time I made any decision it was the best one for that situation.  How am I ever to grow as a mom, sister, girlfriend, or aunt if I don’t make a mistake? It is because of those mistakes that allowed me to see the world for what it really was.  To see the people in this world for who they really are.  Shit, life will take you up and down.  But what is life, if you don’t LIVE it.  Don’t die before you are dead.

Love Always

Charlie Sunshine

Evil and It’s Purpose…

 

It never ceases to amaze me the things that people do to each other. I’ve seen some fucked up shit before.  And thanks to the internet, I will see even more fucked up shit.It’s not that I like to see the crazy shit. It’s just that I am curious. The human mind, the psychology of it all, is what intrigues me the most. I often find my self jumping down the rabbit hole at every opportunity I get.  Always with the same question, “Where will it take me this time…???”

But did you ever stop to think that Murders are nature’s “checks and balance” system? Did you ever wonder if all those evil people were placed here by nature to sort of keep control of the human race? This is the shit I wonder about… Because these evil people have to have some sort of purpose or else why would they be here? You would think that evolution would indeed weed out the bad genes by now. Right? I dont know. This is just one of my rants.

SO…. WHERE THE FUCK HAVE I BEEN?

Ok, it’s been forever since I took the time to clear my mind.. I have complete neglected my blog, with the exception of a few random ass posts.  And now, my mind at it’s most restless. I haven't been like this for a while. There is just so much shit going on in my life.  Guys prove to be a bigger problem than ever imagined.  And work… I love my job, but some people absolutely drive me crazy.

I’ve decided that I need to let some of my energy out in a safe way. I am not myself lately. I am usually a happy, curious, nerdy, stoner. And now, I’ve gone off my truest path. Nothing much has changed, except for the fact that my love life sucks and I still have the insomnia.  But duh right? I will always have the insomnia. However, I do have to admit that for a time, I was actually sleeping really well. Maybe because I had someone sleeping with me. IDK. Maybe for once I didn’t have something to worry about or think about or imagine 900 different scenarios.

I guess the great part about what is bothering me now, is that it has allowed me to reach out to my best friend. JD. I haven’t hung out with hin in a minute.  And it was about time. He is always someone that I can call on.  A true friend that truly is accepting of me.  Maybe because he is a male version of me.  Dark and sarcastic.

Shit, if anything, I have learned that I needed to stick to my roots. I’ve lost track of many of the things I loved. I totally haven’t played Xbox in fucking forever.  I don't think that I have any friends online anymore.  But I can say that I was playing the PS3 for awhile and I fucking loved it.  And that was the beginning of my neglect for my Xbox.  But it is time to get some good ol’  Kill Confirmed games in for Call Of Duty. Yeah, yeah, yeah…. I totally gotta stop the bullshit and play some games already. I already know that my skills are out of whack!

I think I’m going to end this blog right now… Feels good to end it right now. I’ve said what I wanted to right now. Besides, I think I might hit the Dabz pen and play some games…. Or even what a movie.`.   That’s another thing that I totally missed out in doing.  Watching my movies… I added to many to both DVD queue and Instant queue for Netflix.  I might write about them.  Not sure yet. It’s not like I’m watching just new movies. I’m watching movies that i haven’t seen, movies i’ve seen multiple times, movies other people recommend that I watch or even rewatch.  I mean why not? I love to get lost in that other worldy experience called a movie. For two hours I am not of this place. I am either running from a serial killer that wants revenge on the 7 people locked in the room or a mad scientist creating what he thinks will be the break-through cure-all only to realize what he made was a biological weapon.  This is what I love. I am here in my temple. ( New temple = new name, I have decided to name this house Tattooine. I’m really sure why. My daughter asked to name the place and it was the first thing that popped in my head.) I am here being transported away to different times, planets, and scenarios.  My movies.  So I am going to watch as many as I can this summer. That’s my goal! To watch as many as I can!  Ok. I am going to end this blog now. I need to decide what  I need to do to end this night.

My brain is quiet right now….. for now.

Love Always.

SWEET NECTAR: MY ODE TO ELIZABETH BATORY

 

 

 

Sweet nectar drips from my lips… I bite my low lip in a dark joy.

It fills my glass…  it sticks to the sides of the glass at it flows.

Warm… Comfort in a glass.

Please stop… She tries to utter one last plea as her throat is slit after her delicate wrists are bled…

The Tonic of Vampires… It brings life, yet as it leaves her body, it takes it away.

Her blood is sweet…. Like a fine, young wine.

So young I will be… I can feel her life essence flow into me, as her eyes grow vacant.

The puddle of despair gathers around the tub… Be careful I do not want to waste a drop.

The red flowing syrup of life…Her skin is much paler now.

I take it all in.. Gulping it without hesitation and my anticipation is slowly calmed.

It’s time… I slip off my clothes and step in my healing and cleaning soak.

The crimson color nectar drapes over my body… a bath like no other.

She is lifeless now… But I feel full of life, her life.

How young I will be forever… Swimming in the blood of young whores who squander their youth away.

 

I am Elizabeth Bathory.

 

 

Love Always, Charlie Sunshine.

DEMONS

We all have demons.

But I hear my demons talking to me every night

They keep me awake… Whispering things to me.

Issuing orders or instructions.

They speak to me

-Why did you let her talk to you that way.. How easy it would have been to smash in her face

*I can’t smash in her face.. I’ll get arrested

-You should have sped up, bitch wants to walk in the middle of the street…. She should learn the consequences.

*I can’t just run people over I’ll go to jail

-How easy is it to push them down the stairs… Accidents are accidents

* I can’t just push people down the stairs…

-Why was he looking at you? Like he was gonna rape you …. Take him out before he attacks you.

*Yes, that  guy was creepy, but how do I know he was a rapist?

-You ignore us. Why?

* Because you are evil…. That is not who I am.

-Oh yes, but you are evil.  We are who we are because we are you. We are your desires. We say what you have already thought.

 

Love Always,

Charlie Sunshine